Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Pronger out of Tonight's Game with 'Hurt Feelings'

Philadelphia Flyers defensive stalwart Chris Pronger, who was listed as day-to-day with what he described as "hurt feelings", will miss tonight's game 6 against the Chicago Blackhawks.

Following an abysmal game 5 performance Pronger was seen weeping quietly in a corner of the team locker room. Upon catching wind of the scene, Captain Mike Richards was heard saying, "Dammit Pronger!"

"It's tough," Pronger said after the game, "you tell a guy right before the playoffs that blindside hits to the head are illegal. How's a player supposed to adjust in so little time?"

Pronger's distress was clearly exacerbated by the younger members of the Flyers' leadership core calling him names such as "poo-face" and "Grouchy McBeaverteeth".

When told that Pronger would be kept out of the game many Hawks players were taken by surprise. "Yeah, I'm a little surprised," said Jonathan Toews, "I mean, I know Kaner didn't invite him to his post-game limo ride but it was only because he figured Prongs' wife wouldn't let him go. No hard feelings."

Easy for Toews to say -- he gets invited everywhere.

Mike Richards, in an unparalleled act of leadership, has offered to tuck Pronger in for a full week and read him his favorite Robert Munsch books until he falls asleep.

"Yeah, obviously I'd rather be partying with university students but he's a hell of a hockey player -- what can you do?"

Even this was not enough to repair Pronger's damaged pride and it appears that if the Flyers are going to force a game 7, it will be without their big man on defense.

1 comment:

Leaf.Fan.Gordo said...

I laughed. I cried. I pooed. "Easy for Toews to say - he gets invited everywhere" Chuckle, chuckle