Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The NHL 'Jerk' Power Rankings

Hockey players are the best. From the Sedins' donations to the Vancouver community to Laich's selflessness last week, the NHL is a league that's rife with individuals that we should all strive to emulate. That said, the Law of Equal Distribution of Assholes dictates that there will be exceptions to the rule. Here are a few.

5. Pat Kane - He beat up a cab driver over 20 cents. I guess entry-level deals aren't what they used to be and the economy is in pretty rough shape but that still makes you a jerk. Also, choosing a mullet over the time honoured playoff beard tradition is weak. I don't care if you can't grow a proper beard - wear your shame!

4. Daniel Alfredsson - I don't suffer liars lightly, so when Daniel Alfredsson 'guaranteed' that the Sens would win a Stanely Cup, he all but assured himself a place on this list until his retirement.

3. Dany Heatley - I don't want to go into the Dan Snyder thing in detail, nor do I want to make light of it in any way but I do blame Heatley and that does make him a jerk. On top of that, the trade demands followed by the, 'oh yeah, I want out... just not to Edmonton. Let me tell you where I'd be willing to go.' Not acceptable. You signed a contract, be a man and live up to it. I really don't understand why he wanted out of Ottawa, his character fits right in with that band of poofcakes.

2. Carey Price - C'mon Carey, you're a role-model. Do you really think that smoking an entire pack in tandem is an appropriate message for the snivelling Habs fans that still think you've got 'potential'? Not to mention he's a sore loser. You'd think he'd be used to it by now, but it seems he's not. An unsportmanlike conduct penalty for firing a puck at the Caps following a goal and then a second unsportsmanlike penalty for taking a swing at someone from the bench. 'Insufferable' is the word.

1. Daniel Carcillo - I don't really feel that I need to justify this selection in any way... but I will. He dives. He's an ass. He picked a fight with Marian Gaborik, of all people. His moustache is even more of an embarassment than Kane's mullet. And perhaps the most telling piece of evidence; he's adored by Flyers fans. If you look up the word 'jerk' in the dictionary - do you know what you'd find? The definition of the word jerk, which Carcillo is.


Rob said...

Good call with Carcilo. It's like he's trying to be the new Sean Avery.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget Carcillo flopping around like a soccer player after Begin punched him in the shoulder the other night. Speaking of, can we assume that Mike Ribiero gets an honorable mention? Faking injuries, plus D-bag moves during shootouts.

Poofcake is my new favorite word.

Curt S said...

Yes, I think it's safe to say that if there were a 'bubble' it would include Sean Avery, Mike Ribeiro and Chris Neil.

If Carcillo isn't an argument against the instigator rule, I don't know who is.

Leaf.Fan.Gordo said...

The list is good but Averys so yappy i don't see how he isnt on it. Two words: Sloppy. Seconds.

"Wear your shame" hahaha

Anonymous said...

I hope Carey Price ends up on the flyers. They deserve each other.