Monday, May 17, 2010
The puck hits the crease and a group of players join it. Swinging sticks, flailing limbs and when the dust settled on the maelstrom the puck had crossed the goal line, forced in by Braydon Coburn. "Yes!!!" What?
Did I just fist pump on a goal scored by the Philadelphia Flyers?
After brushing my teeth to get the taste of bile out of my mouth, I found myself presented with an existential crisis; cognitive dissonance of the highest order.
Proposition 1: The Flyers are evil
Proposition 2: I never cheer for an evil team
Event: I just cheered for the Philadelphia Flyers
One of my propositions was wrong and my life as a hockey fan was thrown into a state of flux.
Could it be that I don't hate the Flyers anymore? I do love Mike Richards and despite his being among the dirtiest players in the league, I've never had anything against Chris Pronger. Then I thought; Daniel Carcillo. Nope, I still hate the Flyers.
So I started examining some of my other propositions;
- I never watch a movie with Jennifer Lopez in it.
- I never read books about vampires and werewolves fighting over an adolescent girl
- I always cheer against the Canadiens. There it is.
The Habs are my Security Council. They have the power to veto any other belief or value I hold. The Flyers might be evil, but the Canadiens are worse still.
I'm happy to say that my life is now back in order. Dissonance resolved. For the next ten days you'll find me with the throngs of brainless zombies making nonsensical proclamations and yelling "Go Flyers!!1"
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So presumably if there was a movie about a team captained by Robert Pattinson and coached by Jennifer Lopez playing the Habs in order to win the heart of an adolescent girl, you would watch it and cheer for the Pattinson-Lopez duo?
Precisely. It's better than having the Habs win while Gionta and Gomez brood over Cammalleri.
I'm pitching that idea to 20th Century Fox...
Personally, I think guys would turn out in droves to watch a movie where Pattinson gets forearm shivered by Chris Pronger and J-Lo screams at the referee to go eat another donut.
I'd prefer J-Lo to hip-check CFP through the plexi.
Cheering against Montreal takes precedence over cheering against Philly.
With J-Lo's ass, she might launch him clean out of the arena.
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